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Setting high expectations

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Your expectations and involvement matter—they can make a huge impact on your youth’s success throughout life. Make it a priority to communicate and model high expectations.

The importance of high expectations

Where you set the bar for your youth can influence how the rest of the world sees them. If you express doubt about your youth’s ability to work or contribute, that may be what others believe as well. But if you convey an expectation that your youth will do what all adults are expected to do, everyone is clear on the goal.

High expectations are also helpful in other ways. Youth who have high expectations set for them tend to live as connected members of the community and make choices based on their dreams and goals. Rather than catastrophic, they see risks and failures as opportunities for growth.

Having and setting high expectations can be challenging. Sometimes it might be hard to see how your student can achieve success in employment and other areas. It can also be hard to hold up high expectations when education and service systems identify deficits and needs rather than focusing on a person’s natural talents and skills. Ultimately though, you are the keeper of the vision for your loved one’s future. You can recognize the skills and talents your youth possesses and set a vision based on those things—not what other people think or assume.

Society often expects youth to achieve certain artificially created milestones as they move into adulthood. For example, it's expected that a person will graduate from high school around age 18, go to college or complete job training, find a job in their chosen field, start a family, and so on. But these milestones and their timing don’t need to define success—success can look different for everyone. For one person, success might mean taking public transportation to work by themselves. For another, success might be working 5 hours a week or learning to fold towels.

You know your youth better than anyone else, and will know when they are doing their best and demonstrating new skills. It’s ok to set aside artificial deadlines for achievement and instead be patient while celebrating small successes along the way. You can frame success as personal growth rather than a comparison to others.

Parents with High Expectations: Helping your child succeed in school

PACER Succeedinschool

Developed by the PACER Center, this info sheet includes practical tips for setting high expectations to help your child succeed in school.

Download the info sheet (PDF) »

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